You Could Be
by RosyColoredSky
Summary: Mentions of Naruhina. You could be happy but you're not.


_**Hey, guys. ^.^ This is the first ficlet that I have posted on this site. And I think it's kinda a bad first story idea...xD. It's vague, hard to understand, and originally wasn't intended to part of fanfiction. I started writing this as a dissection of my own character mixed in with the personality of my friends. But, as always when I write, I start relating it to Naruto, and this turned into a character sketch of an AU-ish Hinata. It can be taken anyway you want it to be, but I pictured it in a high school like setting with Sakura, Naruto, and a few others being part of the school's Golden Group and Hinata, not quite out, but not quite in.  
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_**Please review. It would make my day.**_

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_**The author's note is kind of ..uh really important...but you don't have to read it. ^.^**_

You could be happy but you're not.

You have everything. Comfortable home. A few good friends. You could (and should) be happy and content.

But you're not.

You ask yourself why. Because you feel guilty. Guilty that you should want more when you have more than some.

You try to reason, to rationalize, to figure the whole emotion out.

But in the end, it's something you find that you cannot place into the realm of logic.

Because it's not logical.

The utter sense of longing you get when you look at those smiling faces.

The sadness that pierces your heart when they turn in the other direction.

The vain hope that gets torn into little pieces every time it does not happen.

The combination of happiness and extreme loneliness when you are with them.

None of it makes sense at all.

And because it doesn't, you reject it.

You say you don't particularly like to smile when all you want to do is smile back.

You claim that their indifference means nothing when it's everything.

You preach that getting one's hopes up is a mistake when all you do is hope in vain.

You tell yourself that you like being an individual, that a group would kill all notions of self-pride.

But you know that deep down in your heart that if _you_ were a part of them, if _you_ had a safe place....

Then you wouldn't be a so called "individualist."

Oftentimes you try to examine your reasons for wanting to belong.

One, it means have a life...it means not staying alone at home on a Saturday night.

Two, it means having a support group, a haven.

Three, it means being cemented...it means never having to float around and pray you'll have the strength to hold on

And..if you were with them..._he _might see you.

But then you tell yourself...why be so stupid?

You have friends.

You have a _best_ friend who is your complement in every way. (Tenten)

You have a _ridiculous _friend whose utter obliviousness to the real world is at once funny and comforting. (Ino)

You have a _caring_ friend/sister who lets you ramble on for hours and offers up good advice in the end. (Hanabi)

You have an _enigmatic_ friend who despite all logic still talks to you even if she is a member of that group. (Sakura)

And...

You have that _one_ friend who to you is _more_ than a friend.

That one person who makes you feel on top of the world, lower than a bug, higher than a mountain, as turbulent as the sea.

That one person whose warmth you'd give everything to have.

That one person who was the _first_ person to call you pretty, the first to tell you you're amazing, the first....to make you feel special.

That one person who you love much, much more than you could ever love yourself.

And even if he could never return the love you have for him, the fact that he is your friend and a good one at that...

Well it should be enough.

Having all of that along with more money than most of the school and talents that will take you places...

It should all equal up to happiness.

So why, you wonder....why....do you feel so alone, so isolated, so cold?

It's a question that you think about more than anything, the question you try to dissect the most, but it's one that you don't actively seek an answer too.

Partly because there might not be one.

But mostly because you are afraid that if you do find the answer, you'll hate yourself all the more for it.

Wondering is as far as you'll let yourself go.

And in the end, nothing ever changes.

Because while the changes that are made inside of you, you can perceive, others cannot.

Your emotional progress can only be measured by yourself because you subconsciously feel that no one is deep enough to get it.

And while everything around you moves on at breakneck speed, you make no effort to catch up.

You only selfishly hold out your hand and wait for someone to grab it.

And all the while, as you get older, the work gets harder, and people seem further and further away with every passing second....

You wonder.


End file.
